I’m scared. . .

At least I think I’m scared. Tomorrow I leave to Argentina, to embark on what can only be described as the first real test of my ability to work in the field of international relations. I’ve never been to Argentina, what am I supposed to expect? Expectations….that word. As far as how things will go, I don’t have much of an idea. I have yet to be told what I will be doing as far as an actual position. Maybe that’s what barring my expectations? I think I will be extremely busy from the moment I arrive, and that it will be sort of physically taxing. I imagine that the actual work schedule will take about a week and a half to get use to, there isn’t much of a time difference, so I’m not too worried about jet lag. I’m a Rice student, so hard work isn’t very new to me. So it’s not workload that’s scaring me.

Maybe I am afraid of the opposite? What if I arrive and it’s an empty 9 weeks? What if I am just asked to file paperwork? I can’t imagine the Lowenstern would allow for something so mundane. However, similar to that..what if the work I do has no impact? I expect that the work MANOS gives me will be worthwhile (something any selfish person could put on their resume). That means that any lack of impact would stem straight from me.

It’s all on me.

It’s not fear, really. Maybe it’s more nervousness?

I’ve never been to Argentina. I’ve been trying to practice my Spanish, I even went to Mexico! But for some reason I can’t feel ready. I’m expecting many people to speak English well, or at least be learning. I expect that they will all try and use English with me as practice or to make me feel included. That’d make it really easy. I bet if I say one thing that’s not grammatically flawless, they’ll repeat it in English, to show that I don’t have to try so hard. But I don’t want that. I don’t want to be coddled, I’m a Rice student….I’ll take the challenge and crush it!

I want to be challenged.

It’s angst.

I expect that the only challenge, the only worthy challenge, that I will battled while abroad, is the one that I allow myself to battle. Independent of the organizations work assignment, independent of the community’s willingness to incorporate me into their world, I will make sure I make these the most significant 9 weeks in my life history. I am anxious to challenge myself.