In the last Univ class (April 19,) we had the opportunity to meet with previous Loewenstern fellows and discuss and compare our current mindsets in terms of international service, with their actual experience. This was an excellent method, in my opinion, to make us current fellows synthesize and truly challenge our sentiments and expectations for the coming summer. For me personally, the discussion was an eye-opener to the fact that I’d spent so much time gauging and quantifying the impact of what I would be doing, how significant I was to the program and in the lives of those with whom I will work, that I had neglected the hard facts of reality; regardless of how excited, researched, and well intentioned I may allow myself to be, I am still only a human. Erin, a previous fellow, was the first to mention the term that truly shook my mindset. In the discussion about any setbacks that they experienced in their time abroad, maybe depression or homesickness, she denied that she ever really felt disconnected, but instead felt “exhausted” as a result of always having to be “on.”
As an agent of international service, I have the obvious responsibility to the organization for which I am working, and even more to the people for whom I will conduct service. These responsibilities are invariable, before arriving and while there, my sole obligation and priority is to do the service work. A more indirect responsibility stems from the fundamentals of international service, and that’s that I will be international. I will be in a foreign country, working with many people whom have never visited the United States. To them, I am responsible for the image of the United States. How I conduct myself, how I choose to interact with the citizens of Salta, my daily mannerisms, and my slight habits, are all indications of what the USA is like. It is thus, my responsibility, to be the best representation of my country that I can. Without question, at all times people should behave maturely and appropriately. This applies domestically as well as abroad. This role as a sort of diplomat, is no unique situation that merits any more or less appropriate behavior, but instead is one with more significant consequences. Unlike in the USA where we obviously have an established understanding of our cultural and societal practices so inappropriate behavior is just frowned upon, in Salta, they have very little idea of how Americans behave. So what they observe from me, in many cases, especially the youth with whom I will work, it will be the first time, and the impression that it makes on them will be incredible. For them, my actions are a direct reflection of the entire United States culture. That’s a huge responsibility to carry.
I can say that I accept this responsibility, and that I will make a conscious effort to be the best USA representative that I can. But returning to what Erin said, is it then expected that I am to always be on? Will my organization or the citizens expect me to always be perky, enthusiastic, and energetic? Politeness and etiquette are essential values instilled in me by my parents, and so I feel that there is no excuse for ever lacking these. But my mood, just like everyone else, is flexible. I am extroverted at times, but I also require time for self-reflection and reconstruction. Sometimes I just don’t have the energy to put on a show. On these inevitable days in which I am exhausted, what is my responsibility then? My situation won’t change with my mood. Angry, excited, asleep, or awake, I am still representing the USA. In the United States, just like in Argentina, the citizens are human. Like the Argentinians, Americans can be introverted, we too can tire out. But in this situation, what am I supposed to do?
I am nervous. I will admit that I am afraid that too much is expected from me. Not in the sense that I am expected to be the savior of Salta, nor that they expect me to know all of the answers to all problems. I am just a volunteer. I am only one person, and I have only about 4 more years of life experience than those with whom I will be working. The fear I have is that of character self-doubt. What if I do poorly in representing the USA? What if I’m not able to establish a connection with any of the kids? What if I, as the single volunteer, am not enough? Only time will tell. I will do my best, I will be who I am, and learn what I can. I will go open and eager to change! I will put my best foot forward in everything that I do. That it all I can do, as a human. As a single volunteer.
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